Too much thinking and worrying makes things worse not better. It’s too easy to flip into emotional overwhelm or getting lost in the past. And it takes time away from doing the simple things that will help you.
A map needs to be functional. It’s a way to help you see the way from A to B, not a list of every single detail along the way.
So I’ve boiled everything down into a simple, positive, no-blame way to
a) understand an approval seeking pattern and why it stays stuck
b) identify the kinds of things that will help you
Let me know what you think in the comments below or by emailing me at hello@yourownbestfriend.co.uk
What can you do to feel better on the inside?
In what ways have you been trying to be better than good and how could you ease off a bit?
Put them in the comments. It will help them stick.
I liked this video. It was easy to understand and resonates with me. A fellow victim of narcissistic abuse told me “the problem with you is you’re too nice. You can see it in everything you do. You think if you treat the world nice, the world is going to be nice back to you. That’s not the way it works. You need to change.” (this in the aftermath of learning my wife of 20 years was a serial cheater, and betrayal by buddies who were our close family friends). I’m convinced he’s right, and I must change my thinking/behavior. I never want to experience this again.
Glad you liked it, JK. Good on you for deciding to change. And good ‘rule spotting’ from your friend. That’s a really common one. There’s a video coming up on being both kind AND strong.
Remember to be kind to yourself in the meantime 🙂
Great content. Simple, easy to remember statements. I am going to give this a try. Thank you.
Glad you find it helpful. My pleasure 🙂
Hi Andrew, at the end of the video you mentioned e-book. I can’t find the link here. Can someone help me with it?
Thanks
Hi Alfred. Sorry it’s taken a few days to reply. I’ve been rummaging through SO many folders of books, videos and drafts looking for the ebook I mentioned and I can’t find it!
I made the video a few years ago. Since then, I decided it was better to send people ideas little and often rather than in one big chunk so the five emails you’ve been getting when you join the email list get at the same points.
You’ve also made me realise some of the posts here aren’t very obvious. If you click on ‘Being Too Nice’ and ‘Making Changes’ in the menu then scroll to the bottom of the first article, you’ll see there are links to a few dozen other articles in the categories. I’ll see if I can make the links clearer.
Hi Andrew, I found your video really interesting and what really ‘spoke’ to me was about attending an assertiveness course but then finding it hard to put it into action. It makes perfect sense that if I haven’t felt good about myself then trying to be assertive isn’t going to happen.
Thank you for your gentle encouragement, I am totally fed up of being a people pleaser and putting everyone first as it’s only left me feeling taken for granted and feeling exhausted. I’ve mistakenly done it in the belief that it would put things right and make things better. I am a ‘work in progress’!
My pleasure BM. That self acceptance piece is so important. I guess we’re all works in progress. And sometimes that progress lies in trying less hard.
If you can get to the online class 7pm on Thursday 29th we’ll do some work around these things (It’s on the ‘August body coaching offer’ page). I’m actually going to make the group session free for people who attend live so just let me know if you can/want to attend.
I really like what you’re saying. So direct and no insistence on staying mired in analysis which winds up obsessively dwelling on the other person(s). Just focusing on being a friend to yourself. Why not.